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why am i so mean? Mar. 21st, 2006 @ 01:08 am
I have been really agressive lately and it isn't me. i talk back, i curse like sailor, im always angry, i am breaking things, and i just dont feel like myself. i realized today that i hate my job and i hate it for allowing me to become this way. it is my fault for allowing my anger to take control of my emotions. i feel as if i am about to burst and i can not take it anymore. i dont want to be this way...

and also. i am tired of my friends. i do love them.i do want them in my life, but right now, i am just tired of them.i dont have "me" time. i am always entertaining someone, impressing someone, cooking, spending money...blah blah. i look selfish and feel selfish for feeling this way but its true. i regret the relationship i tossed with kelli and april everyday of my life and i wish i didn't "wish" to see how it would feel to be "fallen" from the path i should be on. i am losing control of my life and i seem to not know how to get back on.

i want to scream. i want to disappear. i want to be me. this isnt me. i am not me. i dont know who i am. i dont know what i want. actually i do. i want none of this life anymore. i want everything to be the way it was. i dont care about this lifestyle.i took for granted so much and now...i am so miserable.


where have all the cowboys gone?? May. 4th, 2005 @ 12:01 am
I have had ABSOLUTELY NO TIME to take a breather. Things have been at such a high pace that a true minute in my life hasn't really been a real minute. Make sense?? Eh. Its life. Carry on...

Went to "Ultra Suede" in Wes-ho last wednesday...WHAT A KICK ARSE TIME! its a "gay club" and let me say...what an awesome time. I realllllly needed it. It was 80's night with three rooms= "80's, 70's & 60's". Danced the night away, gave a dollar to a "Tranie" who reminded me of Gwen Stefani, drank two margaritas in less then 2 minutes, danced on stage, got a card from a casting agent, kissed the STRAIGHT and OH SO HOT bartender, sang "youre the one I want" to a random guy and closed the night with an early morning shower of rain. It was fun-bloody-tastic! I want that on repeat every wednesday!!

Met Autumn's boy. YES ma'am, you need to get a move on with that hawaiian boy cause I want you and him to be the "godparents" of my children one day!!!!!!!! OKAY?? Good.

Tomorrow, another photo shoot with my roomie Christina. Its a 50's theme advertising "steve madden"-ish shoes. Lots of work, should be fun!! And then its off to SAN DIEGO to watch my brother graduate from the MARINES!!!!!! ARRRRRGH. GO DUDE!!!! I am so excited and very proud.

Stupid me. I overslept yesterday and missed my chance to see tony this week!! Eek. Next week its on. SOrry HEATHER! I am a geek...

Take good care of yourself folks. Stay clear of the lame drive-by's that are happening on our freeways. Dont wave to strangers.

OH! one more thing. BUY Carmen Electra's "striptease" workout dvd set. It works you out! I am doing the hip-hop portion and feeling the wrath on my thighs. Sweet...
This is how I feel OK!?!: full...just ate a lean pocket
Name that Tune...: alias...thanks tivo!

some quiet time! Apr. 19th, 2005 @ 02:50 pm
These past few weeks have been...tiring. No sleep from having to share a bed with nine kittens( i put them in the box, ten minutes later, baby kitty is placing each one on my chest while I am tryin to sleep soo, instead of putting on a fight, i made a spot for them on my bed...we are one "grouchy" family). They are cute though. Turned "two weeks" on sunday. Their eyes are open, they are as cute as can be and are their individualities are coming out. So I am a proud "gramma".

8 of us from my work are going to WANGO TANGO this year!! i havent gone since my senior year in high school (LONG TIME ago...) so this should be awesome. We got right field seats which are awesome...i am pumped! Gwen Stefani is freakin gonna take over and shooot, if you dont like it...LEAVE! Kiddin.

I have been goin on some mad shoppin sprees which are great therapy, bad for the wallet. Eh, I dont care...clothes make me happy, shoes even happier and purses...TO DIE FOR! I got some new threads for the bed, lime is the new black! I really should be going. The mum is visiting me today to see the kittens then I am taking her to disneyland, cause she is silly and can't get enough of that place!

Mayo is around the corner and that means....BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is how I feel OK!?!: anticipation.
Name that Tune...: gwen stefani...hollerback girl

this was very fun... Apr. 9th, 2005 @ 03:32 pm
"danka" charli for puttin this survey up. So fun!!!!!!!!

1. Place where you grew up
Honolulu, Hawaii

2.Place where you live now
Fullerton, CA

3. Fav cartoon
*as a kid*

4. Fav food

5. Fav drink
malibu pineapple

6. Fav song
hollerback girl

7. Fav smell
gasoline. *haha.*

8. fav shoes
*from urban outfitters*
This is how I feel OK!?!: dreadin work.
Name that Tune...: do you really want to hurt me. haha

my first photo shoot! Apr. 7th, 2005 @ 12:01 am
My friend and "roomie" Christina is an awesome photographer. She is in school right now studying photocommunications. Her work is awesome and she will definitely get recognition in the entertainment world in the future. But for right now, different projects including "ISM" a magazine coinciding with "THE LAB" in costa mesa and some online stuff plus school projects are her main priorities. Her most recent school assignment was to take pictures with a "hassleblad" camera. Difficult camera, cool pictures. (they are square instead of the traditional rectangular) The idea of the shoot came the night before. DJ+funky makeup+cool cd chandelier+turn tables=Flippin Sweet! And I was the subject. The shoot was fun!! Long but FUN! These are the "practice" ones from the digital camera.

more to seeCollapse )

So I was supposed to go to "the late show with Craig Ferguson" to see Jesse McCartney. BOO HOO. I didn't go! My friend April had a last minute meeting at her work and I had no time to call someone else! But I am over it.

Went to "ISM" wednesdays at "The LAB" tonite. *its every first Wednesday of the month. Live music, open mic poetry, fresh art, its an awesome atmosphere. Everyone should check it out! Saw some stuff at Urban Outfitters but I was a good "shopper" and did window shopping ONLY. That is difficult for me to do but I did. Thanks to my roomie Christina for "supportin" my NO-SHOP attitude.

Alright. Peace. Out. Yo.
This is how I feel OK!?!: relaxed and maxin.
Name that Tune...: alias on tv.
Other entries
» one kitty, two kitty...NINE kitties!
Baby kitty is officially a mama. She finally "popped" yesterday. I came home from work and tada, she was in the middle of her labor. The doctor said she would probably have six kittens at the most (we saw five in the xrays)so when she had her sixth one, I was saying "sweet baby! You are done" and then my friend Natalie said "no, she isn't done she is still contracting". After the eighth, all of us are exhausted. And the eighth came out wrong! It was small, weak, and not moving. We sort of panicked, my friend Dennis drove to the store to get some baby formula while we tried to save the runt. After two hours, the runt was fighting amongst the rest to gest some nippy and milk. How did I found out there was nine...when I went to the vet this morning! The guy was weighin them and tada, "looks like nine, not eight". But all are healthy and great. There are four black ones, four stripped ones and one all in its own, splotched. They are adorable.

So, if you want one or know of someone who is looking for some cute kittens for free, YES FREE...let me know. I have a ton to giveaway but I want them to all go to good, HAPPY homes.

Ooh...Jesse McCartney this wednesday at the LATE LATE show with Craig Ferguson. Jailbait? Sure, why not.
» been there, done that.
i have been lazy. really lazy. just not feelin the whole livejournal thing lately. I have been reading friends updates and stuff but no incentive to write updates of my own. But whatever...

Was goin to go to Lake Havasu (thursday thru sunday) but decided to stay behind. I wasn't into the whole "show me your boob and then I will allow you to come on boat". Sorry, boat hoppin isnt my thing. Another whatever...just some quiet time at home. Cuddle up on the couch, pop sixteen candles into the dvd player, pop popcorn, drink malibu pineapple, call it a nite. Sweet.

I am so not in the mood. Really. I am just blah. I am goin to the merriest place on earth tomorrow (NO NOT VEGAS). Disneyland. Green apple cotton candy. Yum. I actually smiled right now!!! aha.

Im out.
» I "met" napoleon dynamite !!!!
What a day it was...it was yesterday. At my work!! I was comin in on my night shift and heard through the grapevine, Napoleon Dynamite is here. I thought it was a silly rumor until one of my friends who worked in the "arena" said "yah, he is wearing a yellow shirt". Why of all the days...I am in uniform. *key rule...no talking to "celebs" if in uniform unless addressed. LAME* So...my friend has someone randomly ask for his autograph for me cause I couldnt (so fired if caught). He was nice and gave me a smile. (ENOUGH SAID...the teeth are real guys). I wanted to do so many things...do his infamous dance scene, repeat over 100 lines from the movie, ask him to do my cell phone message in the famous voice, scream I LOVE YOUR MOVIE, BUT, i kept my composure and proceeded on my business. The entire night of my shift, I was beaming. Seriously still on cloud nine.

Thats it. For now.
» argh. yah.
I hate the juidicial system. I concluded that today. I have had some problems with the DMV/Traffic "hoopla" people and you know what, they are lame. They are the one making mistakes and us "little" people have to sit here and yes, WAIT for them to fix it and the best part is...they point all fingers to you to "take the blame". Yup. Thats how it works. These past few days have been miserable and I don't know how much of it I can take.


But on a good note, took baby kitty to the vet and tada, guaranteed 5 babies. Paid 90 bucks for x-rays to see a tummy filled with kitties and backed up poop. Hey, like usual, when one is "imprego" it is common for one to have a "pooper back up". Gross, I know. But its natural. So baby kitty is on meds to help the poop move along and she should be having her 'babies in the next one to two weeks. Easter babies. precious!?!

A dear friend is staying at "lincoln lane" with us girls right now. Her neighbors stole her car, trashed her place, took her entertainment center and computer, may have one of her cats and the police can not official press charges. Yes, that is whittier for you folks. So to get her out of that hell hole...she is here with us for a while. She may go back to Hawaii to clear her head and spend time with the family. Plus time there goes about fifty times much slower.

Can I tell you how excited I am about that. May is going to be such a busy month for me. Bro graduating from marines bootcamp, cousin arriving with her family for my niece's birthday at disneyland, star wars is out (blame that on brother), my friends niece's first birthday (Luau baby...kalua pig YUM), and summer will be around the corner.

I am waiting here for the court to call and I am just really antsy. Jurassic Park 2 is playing on the dvd player and guess what, its not grabbing my attention the way it should.

I feel like a 15 year old who needs to go and cant. Wheres my mom????????
» why dont i do somethin...
i am so bored. I actually have a sunday off...and theres absolutely nothin to do. what the heck. It looks like its gonna pour outside. why? I dunno.

Watching 13 goin on 'trenta is not really helping. It is just making time pass a little better. But I am still bored. I should clean but eh. Who wants to do that on a day off??

Maybe I will take a nap. Hey, bunch of us hittin "casino pechenga" again this tuesday! Last week, started with 40, walked out with 100 bucks. Not bad for a "blackjack table" virgin. It was the red bull, the clock striking 5 AM and me quoting "hello, this is peter mccallister, the father" from Home Alone 2. It was fun times...'peat this week baby.
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