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I have been really agressive lately and it isn't me. i talk back, i curse like sailor, im always angry, i am breaking things, and i just dont feel like myself. i realized today that i hate my job and i hate it for allowing me to become this way. it is my fault for allowing my anger to take control of my emotions. i feel as if i am about to burst and i can not take it anymore. i dont want to be this way...
and also. i am tired of my friends. i do love them.i do want them in my life, but right now, i am just tired of them.i dont have "me" time. i am always entertaining someone, impressing someone, cooking, spending money...blah blah. i look selfish and feel selfish for feeling this way but its true. i regret the relationship i tossed with kelli and april everyday of my life and i wish i didn't "wish" to see how it would feel to be "fallen" from the path i should be on. i am losing control of my life and i seem to not know how to get back on.
i want to scream. i want to disappear. i want to be me. this isnt me. i am not me. i dont know who i am. i dont know what i want. actually i do. i want none of this life anymore. i want everything to be the way it was. i dont care about this lifestyle.i took for granted so much and now...i am so miserable.
I AM MISERABLE. |
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I have had ABSOLUTELY NO TIME to take a breather. Things have been at such a high pace that a true minute in my life hasn't really been a real minute. Make sense?? Eh. Its life. Carry on...
Went to "Ultra Suede" in Wes-ho last wednesday...WHAT A KICK ARSE TIME! its a "gay club" and let me say...what an awesome time. I realllllly needed it. It was 80's night with three rooms= "80's, 70's & 60's". Danced the night away, gave a dollar to a "Tranie" who reminded me of Gwen Stefani, drank two margaritas in less then 2 minutes, danced on stage, got a card from a casting agent, kissed the STRAIGHT and OH SO HOT bartender, sang "youre the one I want" to a random guy and closed the night with an early morning shower of rain. It was fun-bloody-tastic! I want that on repeat every wednesday!!
Met Autumn's boy. YES ma'am, you need to get a move on with that hawaiian boy cause I want you and him to be the "godparents" of my children one day!!!!!!!! OKAY?? Good.
Tomorrow, another photo shoot with my roomie Christina. Its a 50's theme advertising "steve madden"-ish shoes. Lots of work, should be fun!! And then its off to SAN DIEGO to watch my brother graduate from the MARINES!!!!!! ARRRRRGH. GO DUDE!!!! I am so excited and very proud.
Stupid me. I overslept yesterday and missed my chance to see tony this week!! Eek. Next week its on. SOrry HEATHER! I am a geek...
Take good care of yourself folks. Stay clear of the lame drive-by's that are happening on our freeways. Dont wave to strangers.
OH! one more thing. BUY Carmen Electra's "striptease" workout dvd set. It works you out! I am doing the hip-hop portion and feeling the wrath on my thighs. Sweet...This is how I feel OK!?!: full...just ate a lean pocket Name that Tune...: alias...thanks tivo! |
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These past few weeks have been...tiring. No sleep from having to share a bed with nine kittens( i put them in the box, ten minutes later, baby kitty is placing each one on my chest while I am tryin to sleep soo, instead of putting on a fight, i made a spot for them on my bed...we are one "grouchy" family). They are cute though. Turned "two weeks" on sunday. Their eyes are open, they are as cute as can be and are their individualities are coming out. So I am a proud "gramma".
8 of us from my work are going to WANGO TANGO this year!! i havent gone since my senior year in high school (LONG TIME ago...) so this should be awesome. We got right field seats which are awesome...i am pumped! Gwen Stefani is freakin gonna take over and shooot, if you dont like it...LEAVE! Kiddin.
I have been goin on some mad shoppin sprees which are great therapy, bad for the wallet. Eh, I dont care...clothes make me happy, shoes even happier and purses...TO DIE FOR! I got some new threads for the bed, lime is the new black! I really should be going. The mum is visiting me today to see the kittens then I am taking her to disneyland, cause she is silly and can't get enough of that place!
Mayo is around the corner and that means....BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!This is how I feel OK!?!: anticipation. Name that Tune...: gwen stefani...hollerback girl |
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My friend and "roomie" Christina is an awesome photographer. She is in school right now studying photocommunications. Her work is awesome and she will definitely get recognition in the entertainment world in the future. But for right now, different projects including "ISM" a magazine coinciding with "THE LAB" in costa mesa and some online stuff plus school projects are her main priorities. Her most recent school assignment was to take pictures with a "hassleblad" camera. Difficult camera, cool pictures. (they are square instead of the traditional rectangular) The idea of the shoot came the night before. DJ+funky makeup+cool cd chandelier+turn tables=Flippin Sweet! And I was the subject. The shoot was fun!! Long but FUN! These are the "practice" ones from the digital camera.
( more to see )
So I was supposed to go to "the late show with Craig Ferguson" to see Jesse McCartney. BOO HOO. I didn't go! My friend April had a last minute meeting at her work and I had no time to call someone else! But I am over it.
Went to "ISM" wednesdays at "The LAB" tonite. *its every first Wednesday of the month. Live music, open mic poetry, fresh art, its an awesome atmosphere. Everyone should check it out! Saw some stuff at Urban Outfitters but I was a good "shopper" and did window shopping ONLY. That is difficult for me to do but I did. Thanks to my roomie Christina for "supportin" my NO-SHOP attitude.
Alright. Peace. Out. Yo.This is how I feel OK!?!: relaxed and maxin. Name that Tune...: alias on tv. |
| » one kitty, two kitty...NINE kitties! |
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Baby kitty is officially a mama. She finally "popped" yesterday. I came home from work and tada, she was in the middle of her labor. The doctor said she would probably have six kittens at the most (we saw five in the xrays)so when she had her sixth one, I was saying "sweet baby! You are done" and then my friend Natalie said "no, she isn't done she is still contracting". After the eighth, all of us are exhausted. And the eighth came out wrong! It was small, weak, and not moving. We sort of panicked, my friend Dennis drove to the store to get some baby formula while we tried to save the runt. After two hours, the runt was fighting amongst the rest to gest some nippy and milk. How did I found out there was nine...when I went to the vet this morning! The guy was weighin them and tada, "looks like nine, not eight". But all are healthy and great. There are four black ones, four stripped ones and one all in its own, splotched. They are adorable.
So, if you want one or know of someone who is looking for some cute kittens for free, YES FREE...let me know. I have a ton to giveaway but I want them to all go to good, HAPPY homes.
Ooh...Jesse McCartney this wednesday at the LATE LATE show with Craig Ferguson. Jailbait? Sure, why not.
Apr. 4th, 2005 @ 01:33 pm
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| » been there, done that. |
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i have been lazy. really lazy. just not feelin the whole livejournal thing lately. I have been reading friends updates and stuff but no incentive to write updates of my own. But whatever...
Was goin to go to Lake Havasu (thursday thru sunday) but decided to stay behind. I wasn't into the whole "show me your boob and then I will allow you to come on boat". Sorry, boat hoppin isnt my thing. Another whatever...just some quiet time at home. Cuddle up on the couch, pop sixteen candles into the dvd player, pop popcorn, drink malibu pineapple, call it a nite. Sweet.
I am so not in the mood. Really. I am just blah. I am goin to the merriest place on earth tomorrow (NO NOT VEGAS). Disneyland. Green apple cotton candy. Yum. I actually smiled right now!!! aha.
Im out.
Mar. 31st, 2005 @ 12:40 am
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| » I "met" napoleon dynamite !!!! |
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What a day it was...it was yesterday. At my work!! I was comin in on my night shift and heard through the grapevine, Napoleon Dynamite is here. I thought it was a silly rumor until one of my friends who worked in the "arena" said "yah, he is wearing a yellow shirt". Why of all the days...I am in uniform. *key rule...no talking to "celebs" if in uniform unless addressed. LAME* So...my friend has someone randomly ask for his autograph for me cause I couldnt (so fired if caught). He was nice and gave me a smile. (ENOUGH SAID...the teeth are real guys). I wanted to do so many things...do his infamous dance scene, repeat over 100 lines from the movie, ask him to do my cell phone message in the famous voice, scream I LOVE YOUR MOVIE, BUT, i kept my composure and proceeded on my business. The entire night of my shift, I was beaming. Seriously still on cloud nine.
Thats it. For now.
Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 10:23 pm
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| » argh. yah. |
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I hate the juidicial system. I concluded that today. I have had some problems with the DMV/Traffic "hoopla" people and you know what, they are lame. They are the one making mistakes and us "little" people have to sit here and yes, WAIT for them to fix it and the best part is...they point all fingers to you to "take the blame". Yup. Thats how it works. These past few days have been miserable and I don't know how much of it I can take.
BEING AN ADULT CAN REALLY SUCK SOMETIMES...WAIT. IT SUCKS A LOT OF TIMES.
But on a good note, took baby kitty to the vet and tada, guaranteed 5 babies. Paid 90 bucks for x-rays to see a tummy filled with kitties and backed up poop. Hey, like usual, when one is "imprego" it is common for one to have a "pooper back up". Gross, I know. But its natural. So baby kitty is on meds to help the poop move along and she should be having her 'babies in the next one to two weeks. Easter babies. precious!?!
A dear friend is staying at "lincoln lane" with us girls right now. Her neighbors stole her car, trashed her place, took her entertainment center and computer, may have one of her cats and the police can not official press charges. Yes, that is whittier for you folks. So to get her out of that hell hole...she is here with us for a while. She may go back to Hawaii to clear her head and spend time with the family. Plus time there goes about fifty times much slower.
TONY LUCCA WILL BE DOING four MONDAY SHOWS at HOTEL CAFE in MAY
Can I tell you how excited I am about that. May is going to be such a busy month for me. Bro graduating from marines bootcamp, cousin arriving with her family for my niece's birthday at disneyland, star wars is out (blame that on brother), my friends niece's first birthday (Luau baby...kalua pig YUM), and summer will be around the corner.
I am waiting here for the court to call and I am just really antsy. Jurassic Park 2 is playing on the dvd player and guess what, its not grabbing my attention the way it should.
I feel like a 15 year old who needs to go and cant. Wheres my mom????????
Mar. 16th, 2005 @ 12:16 pm
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| » why dont i do somethin... |
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i am so bored. I actually have a sunday off...and theres absolutely nothin to do. what the heck. It looks like its gonna pour outside. why? I dunno.
Watching 13 goin on 'trenta is not really helping. It is just making time pass a little better. But I am still bored. I should clean but eh. Who wants to do that on a day off??
Maybe I will take a nap. Hey, bunch of us hittin "casino pechenga" again this tuesday! Last week, started with 40, walked out with 100 bucks. Not bad for a "blackjack table" virgin. It was the red bull, the clock striking 5 AM and me quoting "hello, this is peter mccallister, the father" from Home Alone 2. It was fun times...'peat this week baby.
Mar. 13th, 2005 @ 01:36 pm
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| » why didnt i try out for makin the band 3?? |
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1. Cause I am not stupid.
2. Its been done before...hey puffy, remember dream?? where are they now?! Oh thats right..hangin out with my friend justin.
3. I am smarter then those who used "pieces of me" as their song to tryout.
4. HELLO? did I mention, I am not stupid. (Okay silly but not stupid).
Anyway...
Where to start?
The one tree hill concert on wednesday...SUCKED. I wanted to shoot myself during Tyler Hilton's performance, The Wreckers made me want to cut my ears off with a dull, rusty knife, every other time a stupid bunch of girls would yell out "I LOVE BLAH BLAH BLAH" I wanted to tell them "Shout louder, they can really hear you...douchie". BUT...Gavin Degraw=7777777777777777777. *think Monica on friends* Thats all I could do. He worked the "pleather", the schlong was long (hah), and can I say once again...7777777777!?!?!
I must say though, when 'holla-girl Heather and I were walkin to the venue and the guy asked if we can help him "pop a wheelie" down the stairs (it was only three steps) and I contemplated if I was being "punk'd" or this was serious matter or when I told Heather to go for it into the Mens Restroom and she started a beautiful, gutsy trend for the rest of the night, or the $6 drinks...it was a funky night. Maybe it was the hotdogs...whatever, us girls can have fun ANYWHERE. I LOVE LAURENS NEW DANCE!!!!!! SHAKE IT GIRL...haha.
Workin in the morning has been quite busy I must say. Good money, overall okay guests, and having nights off is sweet. Lili was supposed to come over so we could play Karaoke Revolution volume 3 but Adam had to drive back to his house to get his headshots. Lame actors, always gettin in the way of things. Kiddin, I love my little star.
I am burnin the g-g-g-G unit cd right now. Can I say, thank goodness everything with him and the Game is okay. For a minute there I panic'd. Who was I goin to play in my car? and am I allowed to have both their cds in my cd case at the same time?? But I can be at ease now. WHAT!
Mar. 11th, 2005 @ 11:05 pm
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| » Oh Monday Blues are here!!! |
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So how was everyone's weekend??? Mine sucked...well not really. It sucked when I was at work. Especially yesterday, some people are just literally stupid and dont think. If you are in the "service industry" you would understand that you don't seat three tables (two of those being parties of 10 or more) within 5 minutes of each and expect the server to handle it all well. Its impossible to catch up and everything starts to jumble together. I was seriously miserable. I was glad the day was over. One of my co-workers worked his last official shift yesterday so a bunch of us hit up "heroes" in downtown fullerton for some good food and good drinks. Framboise anyone???
Anyway, its way early for me right now (yah, I KNOW ITS 1030 am) but I can't fall back asleep so its off to clean the room and do some errands.
Ooh Ooh. Gavin Degraw in two days. Can I wait??? HEX NO!
Mar. 7th, 2005 @ 10:16 am
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| » feeling oh so better... |
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So. Last night was the night from hell. My tummy hurt, I was so uncomfortable, I wanted to sleep but couldn't and I had to get up every other minute because I FELT like I was going to puke but I wouldn't. And this cycle was on repeat for 6 hours. SIX freakin long hours...but now=ME OKAY.
Did watch LOST and ALIAS though. Both are on my favorite show list...its funny cause where they tape LOST is one of the beaches I used to hang out at as a kid. Its "bellows" beach. 3/4 of it is a "military" beach which was cool cause when it was tourist season, "our" beach was NEVER crowded. Ok, im goin way off subject...
MARC was freakin awesome at Jimmy Kimmel...seriously, no words. I haven't been able to catch his shows lately so having some downtime and using it to see him was smart. The entire show was funny, George Lopez had me peein in my seat, The #1 Michael Jackson fan was hilarious but um, Debbie m----whatever her last name was, GOT ON MY FREAKIN NERVES. Her laugh was overcooked, her voice annoyed me and third, did I say her laugh was not cute at all??! But when Marc performed...it was 100% pure bliss like always. Right now, I am goin to preach so grab a glass of wine while I testify. Fans are great. Fans are cool. But when a person claims "Oh Ive been a fan forever...like before ANYONE knew him" and then turn to ask you "so who are you here for" followed by "oh really? I have been a fan for years, how did you hear about blahblah?". As if you are put on the spot, thrown with a popquiz, eyes staring at you waiting for a reply that would either make them feel more "FAN-ly" then you or just want to start up some lame shiz. So this girl asked me those exact questions and I didn't want to start up any conversations (cause the girl and her "friends" were geeks anyway) so I just replied with a "a while now." She goes off saying how she knew him when he performed at HOB and even before that she caught him in 2002 in Hollywood and it sucks cause now he is getting more "fans" and she doesn't like it cause when she meets him, he is always stuck talking to other girls and....... I seriously wanted to say SHUT UP. I dont care. Yes, I have known Marc even before he went on all those fab-o tours with Gavin and Maroon 5...it was more like Matt and Dave at Genghis Cohen. but I don't go boasting like some bizzitch who wants the whole world to know. ENJOY THE TIME you get to watch him sing. Its not a competition. GET OFF IT.
Okay I am done. But Marc did a great show as usually. He rocked the cassette tape belt buckle, rocked out with his blue pumas and yes, he is officially getting a receding hairline. But its okay Markie. You work it.
In less then a week, I will be jamming to Gavin Degraw at the Wiltern with Heather and Lauren. Please believe, we will throw down some smack if people get on our nerves...I ain't scared. I get down. I shoved this girl in the fourth grade for cutting in line to get to recess. Yup, I shoved her to the ground and then kicked her head, TWICE. So don't mess...lol. I can be sweet and sour at the same time. Wanna see???
So I have work today. Rebecca and I are gonna catch "Constantine" before work. JOY. Im out...
Mar. 3rd, 2005 @ 12:34 pm
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| » pukie all over the place... |
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Me. Food Poisoned. In N Out Chzburger. On Harbor Blvd. In Anaheim. Dont eat. Bad. Puke all over. Hot and Cold sweats every six seconds. Went to work. Left after an hour. LAME.
More later. I can't even stare at the computer screen to attempt somewhat of a distraction from this bitter moment I am cascading upon.
Ek.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 @ 06:40 pm
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| » i am so tired i cant sleep. pathetic... |
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So last night sums up to one phrase=TRANSIE ALERT. as in "transvestite". Haha. You are scratchin your head huh? Well, quick review, having a "wonderful" time and some "old-ER" ladies walk in and spot Tony on stage and this comes out of their mouth. "OOH! Whos that? He's hot. Lets get closer to him". Um, hello...first off, the hair was circa 1987 with Debbie Gibson playing in the background...the makeup was caked on so much, some could be used for wall plaster...and the jordache jeans went out when I was old enough to climb the monkey bars in elementary school. As the two "transies" walked away, I yelled out, "transie alert" and it was at the precise moment the music stopped and one milli-second away from everyone clapping. and yes everyone heard. It was certainly a highlite.
Anyway...besides that, it was a great night. The food took forever but the garlic fries were the best Ive ever had. And my baybreeze...delish.
Finally met up with miss.holla heather!! *girl...countdown for One Tree Hill is on. Ready to get my bizzitchie mode on. haha* And the "sherlock holmes" coat was FAB-O. And your sweetie by the way...A KEEPER.
Tony put on a great GREAT show. Cant even say. Wish he sang more "solo" stuff but him, josh, and joe all together got me all rawled up, I cant even describe. And them all having freshly done haircuts, OH BOY OH BOY. I wanted to order them all...I almost told the bartender "please, I will take all three on stage to go. Thanks. No need to bag them up". I wish Tony did more shows out here, like he said "his residence is NY but LA is home".
I think I am finally goin to sleep. Enjoy the three pictures I actually got. By the way, the quality sucks. PEACE.
Feb. 27th, 2005 @ 11:42 am
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| » I saw the sign...and it opend up my mind. I SAW THE SIGN. |
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Ok. I seriously, I got lazy. So slap me. Stuff have been goin on, things have been happenin and Im livin life. I wonder if I will remember everything.
Oh, got the Tony Lucca cd. #179. Sweet. A little disappointed though. Sound could and should of been better. Oh well.
I lost my voice. Again. What the heck. Last year, I lost my voice numerous times and thought okay, its done and over. But yes, I am dealing with it once again. Great. Its the damn acid reflux. Kidding. HAHA. *insert your laugh here*
Oh, for those who care...we got a pizza oven at work. Please believe that makes a big difference. So excited.
Im sitting here, deciding if my right nostril being "unbreathable" is the early stage of a cold while sippin on wine and watchin the JLO special on MTV. I should and will go. Please have a good night. Cause I am!!
Dior. A party animal, you adore excitement. You are
outgoing and gorgeous. A total glamazon, guys
love your sexy short skirts and
low-cut-but-ever-so-fashionable tops. You like
to play with men. Being in a long-term
relationship just doesn't fit your
party-til-the-break-of-dawn mantra. You love
being a girl and take full advantage of your
power over men.
Which fashion designer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Feb. 24th, 2005 @ 10:29 pm
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| » go away. |
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RAIN.
Go Away.
PLEASE.
Anyone wanna go to Jamaica???? its not raining there!
Feb. 22nd, 2005 @ 11:03 am
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| » break it down girl... |
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This weekend was filled with work and more work. But Sunday was good because...I worked in the morning (OF COURSE) due to it being "Desperate Housewives" night. And let me say, this show is gettin better and better. And to top it off, "Mr.there more to the garden then the hose" is gorgeous. 'nough said.
So yesterday, my friends Sarah, Evan, Mickey and I were supposed to attend the dress rehearsal for American Idol. Yah, it was shot. We arrived at CBS around 11:30 to discover a small line of people standin in the rain. (no thank you) We drove up to the gate and the guard said they will open up the cbs parking for us at 12:30. We all decided to drive the one block over to the Grove to hit up Magiannos for some good food and drink before the show. Around 12:45 we finished and headed over back to CBS. Yes, when we arrived, it was a little too late and all spots were taken. LAME. The guy in charge told us that we will be able to call a "special" number and come back to any American Idol live taping on any Tuesday of us choice which was cool. JOY JOY. So we went to the Beverly Center. Boy was I glad I didn't bring any money or else I would've done some ugly damage. *PHEW*. So we got bored and all headed over to Amoeba's to stock up on the music. Please believe...I did. Got some Tony TOni Tone, Soul 4 Real, Bush, GLove, and a new Amoeba's t-shirt. While we were there, my friend Sarah started talkin about gambling and playin the tables so we decided to hit up. We left, trailed back home to "rest" (watched Evan's new Alicia Keys DVD...off the chiiiizzzzan yo) and then headed off to Pechanga Casino. *Thank you Mickey for playing Michael Jackson, Brian Mcknight, Mr.Timberlake, and Eminem all in a loud but crazy drive* We played for about 4 1/2 hours til our head hurt and our wallets burned. Loved it though. We are definitely going back.
So today, I am going to try and work. Please believe I need to make some CHi-CHiNG. Tony Lucca is this weekend and rent is due too. GOod Lord. Oh and VCR, get ready cause SUMMERLAND is back. Aweeee.
Hey, if anyone is gutsy enough, please "steal" for me the "JESSE's BACK" summerland poster they have displayed in malls.
..........bathrooms are by the vending machine. *LEAN BACK*
Feb. 22nd, 2005 @ 10:31 am
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| » i got a new haircut... |
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And im in love with it!! My dear friend (and personal hairstylist) April cut my hair today and boy oh boy, its great. Its so funky and spunky...it would make ashlee simpson jealous. Haha. Just kiddin.
So got an invite to a "dress rehearsal" of American Idol this monday. LOOK MA...IM AT AMERICAN IDOL!??!! Its gonna be a joy-eous day of "making fun of other people" and "making them singers nervous". Hah. I am mean, I know. Its in the blood. Thanks mom!!
Another great piece of news, my brother called today from BOOT CAMP! And he lost his voice from doing so much yelling. He also talked about only getting like 2 minutes to eat his food. You dont even have time to look around and have a conversation with someone, its all GO GO GO FASTER FASTER. But he is overall doing awesome and learning so much that he wouldn't want to be anywhere else except there. I am very proud of him, graduation day will be both exciting and very prideful.
I have work tonite. Boy oh Boy. I am excited mama. Cant wait. And then off to work again tomorrow morning. Sweeet. Back to back.
If you get the chance, buy Jimmy Fallon, best of SNL. It will literally make you pee in este pantalones. Si muy bien.
Feb. 19th, 2005 @ 03:14 pm
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| » a quickie. |
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At internship. Wanted to say Hi to all you folks out there...THE OC TONITE. WHAT WHAT.
Feb. 17th, 2005 @ 10:17 am
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stinkyrose's journal
